After some chaos in my mind, I've decided to write few pages in my notebook ("diary"), to help me clear my thoughts, and it sort of helped.
Hereby I'm writing it directly word for word translated from danish. When I was writing it, I wasn't really thinking about it, so I just wrote it unfiltered without intention of posting it here, but short after I've decided to post it anyway.
And why do I do this? To hopefully read some replies from some of you, who might experience the same thoughts, feelings - and how you deal with them. Anyway here it is:
14. may 2011
And it begins again. Another ****ed up OCD compulsion/obsession... this time in WoW. I have tons of low level mats that I really can't sell on AH. And I am spending too much energy to resell it, undercut prices and cleaning my bags. And not to mention that I've just bought for 11k of enchanting mats.
Chaotic mind, obsessed with "I must sell it! I must get rid of it! But its a WASTE to vendor it!". Can this situation be a reflection of how I look at things irl? The worst part is: what IF I'll earn over 100k gold, and get rid of the most of my low level items - then what?! Will be a point where I will feel content/satisfied? And what am I going to do with all that gold? And should I even have to spend it in the first place? And why?
It's not enough that I have this inventory - "problem", and that I can't figure out why I am obsessed about it, but there are also all the: characters, professions and activities. I wonder if it's just MMO mechanics in a nutshell - to give you a nearly endless sandbox of endless activities without any real end-goal? Or is it just me who is deluding myself into thinking, that all of that virtual ingame nonesence (chars, professions, goals), really have a meaning?
It feels like my thoughts, that tell me: "do this, do that", weave into each other, and result in knots of frustration - an illusion created by the flaw of the human mind. Whom is it I am trying to "impress"? And why? What if I died tomorrow. Would any of this have mattered or had a meaning? "The big picture" often contradicts the reality that is served before me, which is disguised as a reality that has a bigger meaning / purpose, when it really has no true meaning at all.|||OCD can be a serious disorder or maybe just a character trait. My mom was OCD and it isn't really funny like in the "Monk" TV series. WoW provides all kinds of ways to work off our tensions as long as it's fun. I'd say put your OCD to good use in the real world--something socially useful. Among famous obsessive-compulsives were Edwin Hubble (explored the universe), Henry Royce (built the Rolls Royce engine), Alvan Clark (built the great telescopes of a former generation), John Harrison who solved the latitude problem with his chronometers in the 17th century...and millions more who put their OCD to good use. And of course the programmers at Blizzard, they're heroes to me!
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